As mentioned previously, I managed to destroy a batch of idiot proof cookies. Unable to find them of the slice-and-bake variety, yet craving that just-out-of-the-oven warmth, and lacking the appropriate kitchen tools to produce them homemade, I went for the next best thing: a box that read "just add butter". I mean, how hard can it be? I'm college educated, and proud of it (although moderately disappointed on the basketball front at the moment...).
I've spent many hours in the kitchen watching the masters in my family, Nama, Mom and Sister, cook and bake for years now. And while I'm not typically as down and dirty as they are, I'm certainly a contributing editor...until the dishes of course, at which point I mysteriously fall asleep on the couch looking too sweet to wake up. I digress.
The box simply asked for 25g of butter. Ahh, the metric system. One of those cultural idiosyncrasies to which I steadfastly refuse conforming. I'll gladly learn German, will utter "cheers" and ask where the "loo" is, and always (attempt to) keep my carrying, yankee accent to a volume 3 or below, but I stand firm in my denial of the metric system, ignorant though I may sound.
Here's what I had to work with: a 250g rectangle of butter. Mind you, I'd used some portion of it on another culinary concoction, earlier in the week, so an indetermined amount was missing. Since I couldn't remember how much of the 250g was gone and don't own a scale, I turned to google to find out how to rid my experiment of the nasty metric system.
I do this a lot - google "what's ___ celcius in F" or "how many cups are in a liter". Next time I'll try "why can't a smart girl remember simple conversions or seem to bake in a foreign country?". Anyway, desperately wanting my cookies baked and in my mouth moments out of the oven (screw the cooling phase, I have an abnormally heat-tolerant tongue), I quickly looked at the first website listed exclaiming that 25g is equal to 5 tablespoons? Brilliant. I can do tablespoons.
Next came the softening of the butter stage. Clearly too impatient to let butter soften on its own agenda, I put it in the oven for a hot second to facilitate the process. Not having the desired effect, I thought f-it, I'll just let it melt...it's all the same anyway, right?. Again, impatience (a virtue of mine) prevailed and I figured that 1/3 softened, 1/3 melted and 1/3 still hard was fine enough to work with and I attempted to spoon out the first 2 tablespoons. Neglecting the knowledge existing somewhere in my head about solids and liquids of similar visual amounts having different masses in their unique forms, I decided that the remaining amount of butter looked to be about 3 more tablespoons and just threw it all in the dry mix.
Employing KC to do the hand mixing (my fight with the metric system rendering me fatigued), I ignored his occasional comment regarding the myriad M&M sized butter balls appearing in the bowl. "It's fine" I assured, "The box said it was ok if was a little lumpy, plus, butter makes everything taste better". Taking back the reigns, I noticed the batter a bit runny, but spooned it on the cookie sheet regardless, popped those bad boys in the fan-assisted oven, and stood watching for the next 10 minutes, checking on 2 minute intervals. Yikes. This is what I got:
You might think, as I did, that they'll still taste fine. I mean, they (I suppose they're really an 'it') resemble the cookie cakes I remember so vividly from my childhood, as I always wanted to be the kid who got to bring one into school on her birthday, but never did. Too contrived for my mom. Originality being paramount to my life now, I thank her.
I took a fork to them approximately 18 seconds after removing from the oven. Swallowed. Felt myself getting fatter and thought, I just ate 4 pads of butter in one bite. I knew I could get KC to take a bite...but I'm pretty sure his ended up in the bin. No offense taken. After a few minutes, I tried another bite. I don't know, call me a glutton for punishment. Maybe I was testing my ability to ingest grotesque things in case I'm ever on one of those "eat this for survival or for a million bucks" reality shows. The horror warranted a picture...say BUTTER!
How bout that shoebox they call a kitchen? There's a strict one in, one out policy not unlike the UGG outlet on the Jersey Shore (yes, I've been there and let me tell you, there was a Situation).
In conclusion, it just dawned on me to double back on my conversion research to see if, perhaps, I misread in my haste. Of course I did. Much to my chagrin, it turns out that 25g of butter is only about 2 tablespoons, maybe even a bit less. I used more than 5, though I'm still not sure how many it was. That'll teach you to trust the list of sites on google. One more click may have saved my cookies and me a few extra lbs.
** To make it clear, I do realize that we, Americans, are the only ones that don't utilize the dreaded metric system. I also realize that most Americans probably can and do use said system with regularity. I still maintain that I hate it. End rant.
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