Primark-able

So today I had my first, true Primark experience.  Since it's likely that you are as oblivious to the retail giant as I was a mere 3 months ago, allow me to elaborate: Walmart and the Dollar General conceive; the love child closely resembling Forever 21 with a chav swagger.

To be fair, that's probably a bit harsh.  I should not discriminate against budget friendly apparel providers as I will scour the bins and racks with the best of them...it's actually a challenging and fulfilling pastime.  As are, uh, plenty of intellectually superior activities in which I partake, but that's neither here nor there...

My experience today, however, is responsible for the mocking air in which I describe Primark.  I was probably in store for no more than a half hour, but I assure you, that was enough.  Let me preface this by saying I had quickly ventured into our local Primark before, but that wasn't really an experience.  It was by the direction of my oldest and dearest friend (also inhabiting this small island) who once wore a gray blazer so cute, I had to know her source.  "Primark," she shared, and off I went!  This trip was short and sweet...I ran in, found it immediately, forked over 10 quid (barely 15 bucks), and exited without even giving the myriad racks a second glance.  I must have been in a hurry, because it's just not like me to ignore rows of clothing...

Since that day I have paid more attention to Primark, an enterprise I now classify as one of the more entertaining things to do in a small-ish British city.  I began to notice girls, of all ages, toting the cheapest of brown paper bags, not unlike those still used in large American grocery chains.  And they ALWAYS seem to be filled to the brim - no exaggeration, see above.  I just don't get it.  Especially given the sight of some of these ladies, so scantilly clad that it doesn't appear they would even wear as much clothing in a season as the bags hold.

But back to today.  After ordering my iced coffee and asking twice for more ice (will never understand why Europe finds the freezing of water in small cubes to be such a formidable task), I exited Starbucks and found myself face to face with Primark, caffeinated, with time to spare.

At first I perused the perimeter, overwhelmed by the hoards of people and cheaply manufactured clothing which I cannot be certain did not originate in the dimly lit factories of third world countries...but as I'm, admittedly, not always the most informed consumer, I can't really go down that road. and so I turn back to the task at hand.  There actually was one.  I wanted tights.  Colorful, spring tights.

Casually sipping my iced coffee, I made my way to the hoisery section which was between the too-tight business suits and the too-tight pajamas.  Good news was that they had colored tights-a-plenty, and at 1-2 pounds a pair, I snatched up a few.  Next I headed for accessories, but not before passing by the dressing room where approximately 5 baby buggies were parked outside.  This is a slight exaggeration, but there were seriously strollers everywhere throughout the store - it became an obstacle course dodging them, their contents flailing arms and screaming "MUMMY!".  I may have initially found their high-pitched accents cute, but after one small-fry cut me off, hanger waving, en route to her heavily inked father, my compassion dwindled, and I continued on to the colorful racks of jewels.

Of course something else happened before I could get to the jewelry section.  I saw the baithing suits.  With visions of the Isle of Palms now wafting into view, I bee-lined.  It was just an impulse, as I was disinterested as soon as I ran my fingers across a few suits and cover-ups.  Then, I was reminded of a clip I'd seen on BBC news a week or so ago... Primark came under tremendous heat for selling padded bikinis for 7 year olds.  No, seriously, read about it here: 'Primark withdraws padded bikini for seven-year-old girls'.

Finally, I made it to the jewelry and after contemplating the obnoxiously large hair accessories, I settled on a cool bangle and headed downstairs to shoes.  Unfortunately, the shoe section was so overcrowded that I couldn't travel the aisles without risking injury.  I gave up, turned toward the till (as they call it here), and gasped as it was at least 16 people deep.  Convinced my luck would serve me better upstairs, I scurried to the other till which was also tiresomely long.  At this point, I viewed my items for purchase, debated whether they were worth the time, but just as soon remembered that I had a bag of crisps in my purse.  Sustenance was key.

I joined the queue (another mysterious British synonym), while balancing 2 pairs of tights, 2 bangles, empty coffee cup and freshly opened bag of soured (they add an -ed to it to make it sound more gross than necessary) cream and chive crisps.  I could easily survive now.  Plus, there's always completely useless things for sale along queues for which I'm a devoted sucker. 

And so I made it, to the front of the pack, smiled politely, and threw the contents of my arms onto the counter.  I explained to the kind lady that I'd brought an extra bangle with a price tag since the one I wanted didn't appear to have one.  Well you would have thought I'd have just gifted her a 50 dollar bill (does anyone else think of Data from Goonies when he uncovers the counterfeit 50's and proceeds to repeat 'fitty dolla biwls' over and over...).  She was so excited that I'd brought the back up bracelet that she first told me that I was welcome back whenever I pleased, and then she turned to her colleagues to inform them of her good fortune, while the line in front of her grew longer.

Oh, and my total for the 3 items was 4 pounds 50  (about 6 bucks).  To top it off, I was given my very own brown paper bag for the items.  This one was exactly like the paper bags my mom packed my lunch in.

I had a few laughs in store and in writing this.  If I ever find myself wide eyed and bushy tailed with 30 minutes to spare and a bag of crisps in toe (just in case), I think I'd return to the bargain very-friendly mecca.  If for nothing else than a good experience.